Tag Archives: rants

Attack of a fearful kind


I feel so tense, it’s 3:30am

My heart is pounding through my body

An irrational fear has gripped me

I stand looking out of my window

Inhaling cold air as though it’s my last

I lay down my legs twitching uncontrollably

This will end but how? Is this THE end?

I lay listening to the radio

Thoughts whirling in and out of focus

I try to distract Myself but it’s no use

The wings of black are smothering me

It can’t be fought I can only accept it

The contract has been signed

My soul is now yours to keep

You have won the war I can no longer battle

I surrender to the devil within.

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Cyclothymia –


I wake up to an epiphany everyday, buzzing with thoughts, high on adrenaline.

Catapulted into the stratosphere with nothing more than a basket of dreams and tears of fear.

There is no come down from this everlasting nightmare.

The switch is neither on or off the fuse is merely pulsating to the beat of dread.

Desperately willing to cut the cord, hoping for nature to break my fall.

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A riddle of life


I sit in a room thinking, wondering through a maze of hysteria.

Unknown triggers and abnormal fears plague my uninspired mind.

I sit here in tears, I’ve learnt nothing all of these years.

I should have known this trap this malice despite such pity, I am still thinking about fear.

As I sit in this room, looking at a crooked path. Waiting for an offer that can’t be kept.

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The saga continues – death do us part #2


“Through the valley of death, lies a secret to be kept. Through the night of hidden secrets a lie is to be said. Whisper softly upon ones ear until this moment it was you I fear”. He woke to the sound of someone dressed in black whispering into his ear, it felt nice.

It felt almost worm and peaceful. “Is this it? Have I finally succumbed to my untimely death? Am I in hell? Am I in heaven?” Greg attempted to move he couldn’t, he attempted to scream but he couldn’t. “Stay still my fallen angel, stay still”. “What the fuck is this? Who are you?” The lady fell silent and began to stand, she was holding something in her hand, it looked like a broom. Greg instantly realised what this was. “Your a witch, that’s right your a witch who has trapped my soul in this dead body aren’t you? Listen what have I ever done to deserve this, I can’t move this excuse of a body I feel so so cold what is going on tell me N-N-Now!!”

The woman removed something from her head, Greg’s vision was disturbed from the bright lights surrounding him. “Did you speak love?” “YES WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”….”no sorry duck I can’t understand what your saying, I’ll just finish replacing the hand towels and wash your sink out and leave you be”. Greg didn’t know what to say “A FUCKING CLEANER!?!?”. She continued sweeping the floor and placed her headphones back over her ears and began to sing “There’s a lady who’s sure All that glitters is gold And she’s buying a stairway to heaven”.

Greg decided he was loosing his shit “psychosis I’ve got psychosis, my boss always said I would have a break down…this is it”. He closed his eyes again, hoping to fall asleep and dream of something that made him feel human again.

This was to be short lived, he could hear a ruckus outside of his hospital room. “He is my husband and I demand that I see him, how am i supposed to feed my child, how am I supposed to go to work? NO NO NO I’m sorting this out…GREG…GREG….GREG they won’t let me in. Move BITCH” Greg heard an almighty crash and a female screaming for security. The double doors to Greg’s room burst open, “AWWW my man, we need to get you out of here, I know your dead but I need you to provide for us some how. I’m going to take you to the job centre and see if we can get you on the dole”. Greg was in disbelief…”I’m dead clinically at least, I can’t move and I don’t know what the fuck is happening to me, yet you expect me to visit the job centre so I can sign on?…..ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??????”.

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FEAR


I’m consumed by a darkness that embraces me like nothing else. Bruised black and blue beaten daily by my own intrusive thoughts. Constantly assessing and obsessing over unnecessary predicaments associated with a constant irrational itch seeded deep within a locked down subliminal state, a storm so violent my very core trembles with each beat. I cry wolf every chance I can get. This fear is real it has eaten me whole I can’t seem to escape it I just fucking hate it. I long for a break within the storm clouds, but with each time the storm calms I brace for a return, fearing that this time my soul will never come home, an empty structure that moves with the wind, a beacon of fear staring deep into the dark.

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Radio


You think your so sophisticated
But I just think it’s cheap

Hold onto that desparate moment
Your ready for the heap

Whsipering words that fool us
Trapping us in the deep

It takes a psychopath to know this
Your leading us like sheep

Destitute but moving foward
dawn cannot become morning

Theres no place for this nonsense
Your scared now it’s just boring

I have seen it in your eyes
You where the one who never cries

So don’t play me like a radio
Don’t play me like a radio

Put me out my missery

A drip dropping to the ground
Forgetting where I am

Holding onto what I can
Shhh don’t make a sound
The monsters are trying to get me

Blacked out eyes
Preaching lovers lullabies
Scorched amber skies
Taking over, haunting me
Sad sad times
Turning sober I know it’s over
Your playing me like a radio
Your playing me like a radio
Your play—ing me like a rad—-io

You think your so sophisticated
But I just think it’s cheap

Theres no place for this nonsense
Your scared now it’s just boring

It takes a psychopath to know this
Your leading us like sheep

But I’ll keep walking
I’ll keep walking
Walking till your over me

Blacked out eyes
Preaching lovers lullabies
Scorched amber skies
Taking over, haunting me
Sad sad times
Turning sober I know it’s over
Your playing me like a radio
Your playing me like a radio
Your play—ing me like a rad—-io

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Faded


I’m Fading gently
Blissfully unaware
back to the prison
A prison I call my mind

It’s harder lately
Being left behind
Time stops growing
But the air keeps flowing

Take me back
To the times of joy
A riptide of emotion
Storming upon me

I’ll sit back and wait
As the crows nest fly’s
Knowing only to well
This will never end

Keep on going, don’t forget
Keep on living there’s no regrets
Keep on growing, please don’t fret
Believe in what you say

A high tide ignites me
But the sea has given up
I’ll spend a lifetime knowing
That this was never that

I look for hope above me
I cannot help but weap
as the stars aflame burn
So does this prison of hurt

Glass smashes abruptly
As I throw my pride away
I’m feeling a bit half empty
A place I’m afraid to stay

send me on my way
To live just another day
Waiting for somthing
A little more than this

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storms are coming


Black sky’s surround us once and for all 

The time has come to approach this

I’ll try and catch your fall 

If only, if only there was a way to forget this

Maybe then we would be ok Maybe then we could get away…I once knew a place 

A place where everything would be ok 

But you forgot to sing and you gave it all away 

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Dissasociation


Her crimson eyes told me to hear her

this displacement this corruption

I didn’t know this was going to happen

I didn’t know this was going to happen  

I fled in fear Heading straight to the pier

I see nothing but sheer disconnection 

No intention for ever loving me

 

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