Tag Archives: psychology

A riddle of life


I sit in a room thinking, wondering through a maze of hysteria.

Unknown triggers and abnormal fears plague my uninspired mind.

I sit here in tears, I’ve learnt nothing all of these years.

I should have known this trap this malice despite such pity, I am still thinking about fear.

As I sit in this room, looking at a crooked path. Waiting for an offer that can’t be kept.

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The saga continues – death do us part #2


“Through the valley of death, lies a secret to be kept. Through the night of hidden secrets a lie is to be said. Whisper softly upon ones ear until this moment it was you I fear”. He woke to the sound of someone dressed in black whispering into his ear, it felt nice.

It felt almost worm and peaceful. “Is this it? Have I finally succumbed to my untimely death? Am I in hell? Am I in heaven?” Greg attempted to move he couldn’t, he attempted to scream but he couldn’t. “Stay still my fallen angel, stay still”. “What the fuck is this? Who are you?” The lady fell silent and began to stand, she was holding something in her hand, it looked like a broom. Greg instantly realised what this was. “Your a witch, that’s right your a witch who has trapped my soul in this dead body aren’t you? Listen what have I ever done to deserve this, I can’t move this excuse of a body I feel so so cold what is going on tell me N-N-Now!!”

The woman removed something from her head, Greg’s vision was disturbed from the bright lights surrounding him. “Did you speak love?” “YES WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?”….”no sorry duck I can’t understand what your saying, I’ll just finish replacing the hand towels and wash your sink out and leave you be”. Greg didn’t know what to say “A FUCKING CLEANER!?!?”. She continued sweeping the floor and placed her headphones back over her ears and began to sing “There’s a lady who’s sure All that glitters is gold And she’s buying a stairway to heaven”.

Greg decided he was loosing his shit “psychosis I’ve got psychosis, my boss always said I would have a break down…this is it”. He closed his eyes again, hoping to fall asleep and dream of something that made him feel human again.

This was to be short lived, he could hear a ruckus outside of his hospital room. “He is my husband and I demand that I see him, how am i supposed to feed my child, how am I supposed to go to work? NO NO NO I’m sorting this out…GREG…GREG….GREG they won’t let me in. Move BITCH” Greg heard an almighty crash and a female screaming for security. The double doors to Greg’s room burst open, “AWWW my man, we need to get you out of here, I know your dead but I need you to provide for us some how. I’m going to take you to the job centre and see if we can get you on the dole”. Greg was in disbelief…”I’m dead clinically at least, I can’t move and I don’t know what the fuck is happening to me, yet you expect me to visit the job centre so I can sign on?…..ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY??????”.

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FEAR


I’m consumed by a darkness that embraces me like nothing else. Bruised black and blue beaten daily by my own intrusive thoughts. Constantly assessing and obsessing over unnecessary predicaments associated with a constant irrational itch seeded deep within a locked down subliminal state, a storm so violent my very core trembles with each beat. I cry wolf every chance I can get. This fear is real it has eaten me whole I can’t seem to escape it I just fucking hate it. I long for a break within the storm clouds, but with each time the storm calms I brace for a return, fearing that this time my soul will never come home, an empty structure that moves with the wind, a beacon of fear staring deep into the dark.

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Work….


He wanted nothing more than an escape, his grip on reality was slipping. His days merging into total chaos, like a whirlwind sucking him into a dark abyss.

It was Sunday night, his stomach was in knots. Another day of typing, another day sat in a room filled with fluorescent light and the sounds of people selling their souls and drowning in thoughts of horror.

“five days…Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thur….Fri….” he punches the mirror, he can’t even look at himself. Looking down at his numb fist he watched the crimson flow drip slowly into the sink “I need to escape, start again…I need my life back” he opened the bathroom door, his flat was small and in sheer disrepair. His lounge was his bedroom and also his kitchen it consisted of a singular cupboard with a microwave on top and a single mattress on bare floorboards covered in stains. It was dark and damp. The smell of death was ever present and despite several complaints to his landlord, it fell on deaf ears.

He lay down on his bed and tuned his radio to BBC radio five live as always. He felt hungry, his lips were dry and his eyes stinging from a constant migraine that never seemed to stop. He always had the radio on whilst he slept, it drowned out his thoughts and made him feel safe in the darkness. Secretly he enjoyed listening to other people’s woes, with Stephen Nolan asking “outside the box questions” in a cut throat manor. Tonight was no different to any other Sunday night, he closed his eyes laying naked on his bed. It was cold, goosebumps spread down his skinny Mal nourished body.

“I’m fed up of today’s society Stephen, Snow flakes…that is all they are. In my day I would work fifteen hours straight Monday to Saturday, I had six kids to feed and was paid £10.00 a month. Now tell me how that is fair?” The radio presenter took a long pause…”your pathetic you work nine to five Monday to Friday earning £1000 per month…and you say you can’t do it? You really are a worthless creep and you don’t deserve any better because your not capable of earning it” He took another pause “this gent is right you have to work hard and do what you need to do to live and that is it”.

The room began to spin as he opened his eyes he could see nothing but blackness, the radio was talking to him again…”do the right thing Micheal we know you are listening to us, do the right thing and contribute to our great Britain, you cannot and will not defy us. Work is the only way out. Work until you can no longer work, then you can die.

“What do you want from me…I can’t do this you can’t control me I’m a human being I’m alive…” He picked up the radio and in a blind rage threw it across the room, the sound of intermittent static filled the room…”hahaha your alive because we allow you to be alive….you work for us we own you. You will work for us until you die and there’s nothing you can do about it.

He stood up, he struggled with his balance walking towards the window, he knew how to finally escape. He climbed upon his window sill, his vision still blurry and dizzy. The room fell silent the radio was smashed to bits. He turned his head to take one last look. The cold wind penetrated his flesh, he turned to look back at what he was leaving behind.

“Fuck it….”.

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Radio


You think your so sophisticated
But I just think it’s cheap

Hold onto that desparate moment
Your ready for the heap

Whsipering words that fool us
Trapping us in the deep

It takes a psychopath to know this
Your leading us like sheep

Destitute but moving foward
dawn cannot become morning

Theres no place for this nonsense
Your scared now it’s just boring

I have seen it in your eyes
You where the one who never cries

So don’t play me like a radio
Don’t play me like a radio

Put me out my missery

A drip dropping to the ground
Forgetting where I am

Holding onto what I can
Shhh don’t make a sound
The monsters are trying to get me

Blacked out eyes
Preaching lovers lullabies
Scorched amber skies
Taking over, haunting me
Sad sad times
Turning sober I know it’s over
Your playing me like a radio
Your playing me like a radio
Your play—ing me like a rad—-io

You think your so sophisticated
But I just think it’s cheap

Theres no place for this nonsense
Your scared now it’s just boring

It takes a psychopath to know this
Your leading us like sheep

But I’ll keep walking
I’ll keep walking
Walking till your over me

Blacked out eyes
Preaching lovers lullabies
Scorched amber skies
Taking over, haunting me
Sad sad times
Turning sober I know it’s over
Your playing me like a radio
Your playing me like a radio
Your play—ing me like a rad—-io

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Big issue sir?



Watching people that is all I do

Confused about what it is they go through

Your dumped, it is me not you –

What should we have for tea?

I am hungry…

Hungry for attention

But no one sees my needs

They will shop in marks and Spencer

Then eat their McDonald’s

They smoke cigarettes

Buy clothes, spend, spend and spend

I ask “hello my friend, big issue?”

They look and laugh

I smile trying not to look sad

Is what I am doing really that bad?

I want nice clothes

I need a new pair of shoes

I work hard asking these people

But despite refusal I am still willful

My life depends on it

You see my dear public eyes

I am from another country

Black and red fiery murder

Contemplating eventual escape

Crying for mercy, bludgeoned and scorned

My people, my people are dead.

So here I am –

A doctor of medicine begging to be fed

Your judgmental eyes and

Convicting smiles

Do not give me the bread I need.

The bread to live –

Bread to eat

Savage creatures creep up instead

I am angry, alone and dying

Dying within a society that does not care

For this I will carry on

Maybe someone will care.

Along comes a lady

I smile while she flicks her blonde hair

Approaching fast she holds out her cash

Tonight I shall eat but; tomorrow I’ll be back on my feet

Big issue sir?

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Selfish disposition


I can see the world
From a hight you cannot
I can see the beauty
That shapes this universe
I can see the shame
That we have brought upon it
I can see the rain
Before it touches the ground

You cannot because
Your stuck in a disposition
That lacks equality and
Emotional composition

a being without selfishness
Does not appear to me
But a being who is
Selfish exists everywhere

But everywhere is nowhere
Right?

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Walls that hold us


Stone walls surrounding
My mind subliminally
Forcing me to define
The truth behind the walls
That inprison me yet again.

A sledge hammer cannot
Stop the rot that has gripped
My brain with such force
That it will not become loose
Again.

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Ever growing


Aaron didn’t take to this life that he lives, instead society flushed the mundane realism of structure and morals into his forever expanding mind.
Reality becoming his only fear, he attempts to jump into an alternative world. Bound by the structure of nothing more than free will.
Welcome to the brain…

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