Tag Archives: passion

Cyclothymia –


I wake up to an epiphany everyday, buzzing with thoughts, high on adrenaline.

Catapulted into the stratosphere with nothing more than a basket of dreams and tears of fear.

There is no come down from this everlasting nightmare.

The switch is neither on or off the fuse is merely pulsating to the beat of dread.

Desperately willing to cut the cord, hoping for nature to break my fall.

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Work….


He wanted nothing more than an escape, his grip on reality was slipping. His days merging into total chaos, like a whirlwind sucking him into a dark abyss.

It was Sunday night, his stomach was in knots. Another day of typing, another day sat in a room filled with fluorescent light and the sounds of people selling their souls and drowning in thoughts of horror.

“five days…Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thur….Fri….” he punches the mirror, he can’t even look at himself. Looking down at his numb fist he watched the crimson flow drip slowly into the sink “I need to escape, start again…I need my life back” he opened the bathroom door, his flat was small and in sheer disrepair. His lounge was his bedroom and also his kitchen it consisted of a singular cupboard with a microwave on top and a single mattress on bare floorboards covered in stains. It was dark and damp. The smell of death was ever present and despite several complaints to his landlord, it fell on deaf ears.

He lay down on his bed and tuned his radio to BBC radio five live as always. He felt hungry, his lips were dry and his eyes stinging from a constant migraine that never seemed to stop. He always had the radio on whilst he slept, it drowned out his thoughts and made him feel safe in the darkness. Secretly he enjoyed listening to other people’s woes, with Stephen Nolan asking “outside the box questions” in a cut throat manor. Tonight was no different to any other Sunday night, he closed his eyes laying naked on his bed. It was cold, goosebumps spread down his skinny Mal nourished body.

“I’m fed up of today’s society Stephen, Snow flakes…that is all they are. In my day I would work fifteen hours straight Monday to Saturday, I had six kids to feed and was paid £10.00 a month. Now tell me how that is fair?” The radio presenter took a long pause…”your pathetic you work nine to five Monday to Friday earning £1000 per month…and you say you can’t do it? You really are a worthless creep and you don’t deserve any better because your not capable of earning it” He took another pause “this gent is right you have to work hard and do what you need to do to live and that is it”.

The room began to spin as he opened his eyes he could see nothing but blackness, the radio was talking to him again…”do the right thing Micheal we know you are listening to us, do the right thing and contribute to our great Britain, you cannot and will not defy us. Work is the only way out. Work until you can no longer work, then you can die.

“What do you want from me…I can’t do this you can’t control me I’m a human being I’m alive…” He picked up the radio and in a blind rage threw it across the room, the sound of intermittent static filled the room…”hahaha your alive because we allow you to be alive….you work for us we own you. You will work for us until you die and there’s nothing you can do about it.

He stood up, he struggled with his balance walking towards the window, he knew how to finally escape. He climbed upon his window sill, his vision still blurry and dizzy. The room fell silent the radio was smashed to bits. He turned his head to take one last look. The cold wind penetrated his flesh, he turned to look back at what he was leaving behind.

“Fuck it….”.

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Faded


I’m Fading gently
Blissfully unaware
back to the prison
A prison I call my mind

It’s harder lately
Being left behind
Time stops growing
But the air keeps flowing

Take me back
To the times of joy
A riptide of emotion
Storming upon me

I’ll sit back and wait
As the crows nest fly’s
Knowing only to well
This will never end

Keep on going, don’t forget
Keep on living there’s no regrets
Keep on growing, please don’t fret
Believe in what you say

A high tide ignites me
But the sea has given up
I’ll spend a lifetime knowing
That this was never that

I look for hope above me
I cannot help but weap
as the stars aflame burn
So does this prison of hurt

Glass smashes abruptly
As I throw my pride away
I’m feeling a bit half empty
A place I’m afraid to stay

send me on my way
To live just another day
Waiting for somthing
A little more than this

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Panic


I’m sitting here wishing,

Waiting for a trip beyond this.

Nothing can keep me from this moment

Not even the death that grips my mind.

The grace of all missery, dressed in a gown of

black.

The fury of her hatred, a burning polaris

igniting a trepid reaction to a meaningless vision

The heart beating faster than the speed of

light

time around me drowns and moans

Gasping for air I’m sinking slowly waiting

Sinking, deep, dangerous, dark, distraught

Time has gone, light has gone

beats beat faster

sense is senselessness without emotion

Distorted smashed into shards

Filled with fear it’s closing me down

No returning from this eruption

I’m a canibal

Eating my own soul

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Words spoken


Stop just let me speak
There’s no need to carry on.
I know what you will say
And I don’t want to hear it.
She turns to look at him
Staring into his lonely eyes.
I’m finishing with you
Your to much to handle.
He doesn’t like what he hears
Ok he says, so leave then.
Take this time to think
About are amazingly awful
Situation stumble silently
Over our obedient obligations
Knifed knowing killers kill
Things close to our hearts.

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